I have defined myself as ‘funny’ having a ‘good sense of humour’, prided myself on it, on being able to make people laugh, on apparently being ‘seen as’ funny/humorous. Jack of all trades of humor, dark humor, dry humor, straight-faced humor, dirty humor, potty humor, witty humor, educated humor, stoopid humor, bizzare humor, even sometimes puns. You name it, i can be funny about it (according to my mind). This is one of the perceptions of myself i’ve been entertaining, how I want to be seen by others, because to me funny is cool, of course not just any funny, I have a personal style of funny which makes me specifically cool.
So I would try to live up to this ‘queen of funny’ idea of myself, and anyone who has had similar experience has probbly also discovered that ‘trying’ to be funny does not work, most of the time, and will in some cases largely backfire. Creating for you the coplete opposite experience of the one you’d hoped for.
I have noticed in others how sometimes a ‘humorous’ or ‘joking’ comment is made which is really like an ‘insult in joke’s clothing’. O ran insulting/offensive comment is made, but in a joking way, or they say after ‘just kidding’ or whatever. Then finally I noticed, yeah I do this too. See, I thought I was ‘just kidding’, really had myself convinced, but when I really have a look at it, I see no, I actually did mean it but tried to hide the real intent within it being placed in a joke form. Really I am hiding it from myself.
In my experience I have found humour to be real when it is in the moment and when it is true/honest. It’s funny cuz it’s true.
I forgive myself that I’ve aceppted and allowed myself to define myself as funny/humorous.
I forgive myself that i’ve accepted and allowed myself to create an idea in my mind of me=funny, which I compared myself to. In moments where I felt I was successfully funny, I felt great and boosted my ego/self image, and in moments where I failed i felt miserable and hated on myself.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see myself as more/better for being funny/making others laugh.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see myself as less/inferior for not living up to the idea/expectation of myself I had formed in my mind, thus experiencing disappointment in myself and depressed feelings.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abuse my body by participating in these energetic experiences.
i forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use ‘ I was just being funny/humorous/making a joke’ to hide from myself my true intentions/what I was really expressing.
I forgive myself that I’veaccepted and allowed myself to program myself to try to be funny, to be seen as funny by others, to get approval from others, and have a self-image of ‘funny/humorous’.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to funny/humorousness as separate from me which i need to try to project as part of a self image.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to program myself to ‘feel good’ when I have made someone laugh/been successfully funny/humorous.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to determine self-worth according to being percieved as funny/having good sense of humor.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to laugh at other’s jokes/humor when I did not find it funny and I knew they were trying to be percieved as funny for their self-image/ego, because I pitied them (myself), didnt want to face the truth of myself, and didnt want to lose their approval of me/relationship to me which would reflect poorly on my self-image.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself and others to a projected self-image of myself/themself.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to support myself and others to have/create/enslave ourselves to a personal idea of self-image.