Frustration toward ‘newcomers’ to forum

I get this sinking feeling when I read posts from those who are ‘newer’ to the forums when i see the systems they are supporting and participating in. And I think shit we are all so fucked. There are just so many of us fuckers, who are so fucked in systems, it is quite the same feeling when I realize just how extesive my own systems are. I get all frazzled thinking I need to respond to stand up and not allow them to  remain in their systems, and it does not always go so well, or seem to. I get frustrated when trying to explain constructs and then my words are not so clear. I get all caught up in thoughts of fearing to say the ‘wrong’ thing and not being able to express directly and clearly. And I can still see a bit of wanting/needing to be nice and not offend. I realize that the frustration toward others who don’t see what theyre doing is reflecting the frustration I feel toward myself from the fear that I dont see what I’m doing, and judging myself for what I havent seen. And the feeling I experience of wanting them to be able to see themself is reflecting my desire to be able to see myself.

I forgive msyelf that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to see what i’m doing in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for supporting systems.

i forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire others to see what they are supporting.

I forgive msyelf that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to experience frustration toward others in separation from myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear saying the ‘wrong’ thing.

I forigve msyelf that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to support/participate in the polarity construst of right/wrong.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear saying something that might be taken as ‘rude’.

I forgive msyelf that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear offending someone, thus supporting the concept that one is able to be offended by another separate from themself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to what I’ve said/done in the past.

I forgive myself that i’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for what I’ve said/done in the past.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘interfering’ in another’s process.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to be seen as ‘right’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally express myself here.

I forgive msyelf that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated and overwhelmed at the extensiveness of systems.

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  1. #1 by Matt on July 5, 2009 - 6:11 am

    *offers hug*

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