Writing as Self-Support – Stop Resisting!

Ok, I notice I’ve had resistance to writing, so I am pushing now to write. I realize the moer I write the more I will be able to see myself as who I am as what I accept and allow myself to exist as and support to exist in this world. I have been frustrated at myself for wanting to be able to express myself freely, within writing or speaking, where I can just flow- where the words can just flow out- currently it is like I must take time most of the time to get clear about what I am expressing and as I look at that now I ask myselfwhy is that so? As I have been asking myself within the rustration but not walking any further, simply stopping at the frustration, thus keeping myself stuck in the patterns which prevent me from expressing instantly in a moment here. I must realize that it takes time and labor to be able to express myself here freely- ok that is not coming out right- It will take time and labor to clear myself and all my patterns to get to a point where I simply express myself here in a moment without hesitation. It is that typical mental delusion of wanting to be at the ‘jackpot’ already, without considering what actually must be done to get the result. It is the trap of the design of ‘wanting’- where you are busy with ‘wanting’ rather than ‘doing’ what it takes. ‘Wanting’ is thus irrelevant and backwards. As much is currently in this world.
So I have a like a ‘block’ where as I sit here at my computer with the time now to write, this ‘block’ comes up like- ‘what to wirte about my day? what to talk about? I don’t know’- which is funny to write out because it’s like- ok, what to talk about? Lol, I mean- answer the fucking question! It’s that simple, lol. So, I’ve been wanting to make some vids about Equal Money System, and well, vids about everything, many things, and been getting frustrated that ‘I haven’t/can’t already’- you know, the ‘instant gratification’ system, which does not apply to doing things in this physical reality! So I suggest to myself to write out what points I have towards making videos so I can see more clearly what is going on, where ‘Im at’, ‘who I am’ within and toward making videos so that i can get more effective at that. It’s already cool just to be making vids but I see that writing about it will really be effective. ‘I balk just thinking about it’- hahahah, yeah exactly the thinking about it is the fuckup! And do I want to accept the limitation? No fucking way. Not any more. I have spent so much of my life justifying my own limitation! JUSTIFYING MY OWN LIMITATION!
WTF! Till here no further! I do not accept myself to justify limitation- that doesn’t make any sense!!
So when I experience a resistance like to writing, I will not accept that! I realize that it’s a pattern of limitation for me to pull out an expose and delete- and walk the change.
I am calling myself out now and saying I will push myself to start writing everyday- no excuse or justification!

  1. #1 by joekou on July 9, 2010 - 3:14 am

    cool kelly- push! its labor pains! push push, breathe breathe and give birth to you lol

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