The other night I was visiting with my Mom, and what is fascinating about our relationship is that in the last few years or so our relationship has become quite supportive and, perhaps, ‘balanced’ you could say. Whereas our relationship for many many years in the past was utterly terrible.
When I was young, maybe around the time I hit my teens, our relationship started to go sour. She had extensive fears as a parent due to an intense self-doubt of her ability/intelligence/skill/worth as a person which she had developed from her own childhood experiences of being told she wasn’t very bright and generally being treated like their might be something wrong with her, and as children generally do she took this on as a definition of herself and lived it out.
I did the same as well, copied the same behaviours of self-doubt that she exibited and which she inherited from her parents, and they probably from theirs, and so on like an endless chain of cloning behaviours- which is basically what children/parents exist as currently- have a look at how parents get excited or proud when the child copies them- it ‘validates’ who and what they live as (which imples it is a good/valid behaviour and thus there is no need to change it, thus no effort must be put out because of a long programmed-in fear of self-change and hence why the parent likes to be copied, they are relieved[of duty, lol])
So due to this cloning process, we are largely like a cell which just splits itself over and over and even thought there is some apparent variance between children and parents, there is overwhelming similarities.
Recently, at a family party/gathering there was mainly two families present, as the party was for a couple’s baby’s birthday, so each side of the baby’s parents’ family was present, and it was fascinating to see how if you took one family it’s as if they are one being which has been split into several separate pieces. All having their own little variances, but the main underlying structure/platform’ of their personalities being exactly the same. Also, consider that this is exacerbated by being at a party/gathering type scenario in which a particular ‘party behavior mode’ is activated. It’s like ‘snapping-into’ automated, pre-designed ‘roles’ which one learned and trained to act as, throughout similar such events throughout their life/childhood. Behaviors that were reinforced by each other, reacting to each other, and thus you have a specific ‘pool’ of behaviors ‘wittled-down’ in a way by the group/family, thus the members have a very specific, limited ‘pool’ to move in. An example of how the current design of family imposes limitation on all the members within.
But back to my relationship with mother, it began to sour in my teens and progressively worsened. It was inevitable as at that time there was no support available to deal with these programmed personality behaviors effectively. Our ‘clashing’ is what happens when the ‘new/current’ child/generation comes ‘face to face’ with the programming that the child will be ‘broken into’ so to speak, and the child resists. This is why often teenagers ‘rebel’. They are clashing/resisting the systems that have been programmed into their parents and they don’t want programmed into them- the fears, compulsions, desires, delusions, justifications, etc. which is specific to this family, the ‘family package’ so to speak. The parents will get mad at the kid for this rebelling/resisting, not realizing it is themself they are facing- it is their own process of being ‘broken in’ they are facing beginning anew in their child, they couldn’t face it effectively when they were children and thus they can’t face it effectively in their children.
This is unfortunate that we live in a world where there is so little common sense support for parents. In a world where we have accepted competition against one another as a way of life, which leads to our fears and doubts, because we have turned this life into a game, a gamble, where we must toil and beg to just eke out an existence. No wonder we have so much mental baggage. The mental baggage is what we’ve used to ‘tolerate’ the world like this. To ‘accept it’ as it is. The only way to do so was to delude ourself in our minds. To build all sorts of thoughts and mental constructs just to try to ‘cope’ with the way things are. Rather than…actually doing something about it.
Now after several years of being in process of clearing myself of mental bullshit, our relationship has gone from one of hate/resentment to simple support and companionship. Might do some vlogs about our relationship to go into more detail about that when there is time..it has been quite a fascinating change, which at first, got ‘worse’ before it got ‘better’… =)