So I have recently pushing this point of correcting my posture. For many many years I have been a ‘sloucher’. Since about my early teens, back in the ’90s in the ‘grunge’ era where being ‘jaded’ or ‘apathetic’ was just starting to be cool, lol. Like it showed an ‘air’ of ‘nonchalance’ so to speak.
Anyhoo, I’ve been pushing myself to sit up straight, I find breathing really helps, extensively so, in releasing points of tension, and basically in ‘finding’ the position in which to ‘hold’ myself, so to speak, where it feels most supportive for my body. Also, reading about the Alexander Technique has been really supportive also, as the point of it is about realizing how you use your body, and also key practical points about how to move in a physical human body, which is specifically designed, and thus there is specific ways that’s most effective to move within and as your physical human body.
What I’d noticed within how I’d slouch, is it’s like I’d literally sort of take the upper part of my body and like, ‘rest’ it on top of the lower. Like just ‘stacking’ it on top, in a way, wherein this seemed ‘easier’ as if it took ‘less effort’ because I didn’t have to ‘hold up’ the top of my body, because I didn’t have to use muscles to hold myself upright, therefore slouching seemed ‘more comfortable’. However, over time of participating in slouching, things get out of place and get rather uncomfortable and will continue to get worse, because as I spoke about in my last vlog, it accumulates over time, and by the time you get to ‘old age’ there is all sorts of problems that it’s quite possibly ‘too late’ to really ‘fix’ or undo.
I was getting a bit frustrated, because I’d try to sit with good posture but after a little while I’d start to really want to slouch and I’d feel really uncomfortable even to the point of pain. But I’ve continued to push this point anyway, and through the process of accumulation I’m able to sit with ‘good’ posture for longer. Then ‘finally’, earlier today, I realized that of course it gets uncomfortable after a bit, because I have to build these muscles back up again since I haven’t really been using them all these years, because I’d just been slouching everything and not using the muscles to support myself. So, it has been really cool to again, realize this point of accumulation, that it’s not that I’m doing anything wrong, because I’d thought maybe I wasn’t getting the posture right and that’s why it would become painful, but rather it makes perfect sense because I’m so not used to sitting up straight that the muscles weakened. And so, a behavior that I initially thought was ‘easier’ and was ‘saving me energy’ has actually resulted in ‘more effort’ and difficulty. And I realized that the pain and discomfort was/is actually a sign that I’m on the right track. It shows that I am pushing and therefore that I am actually moving and creating change. And if I was not moving myself/pushing myself to a point where I’ll actually change, then I wouldn’t feel pain I’d feel just as I did before, thus the pain is a cool indicator that I am moving to affect change, thus to just keep it up consistently, and it’ll accumulate as I walk.
So, would have been better to have been supporting myself all along. and that is a fascinating point I had realized when first exploring this point of my posture, a couple years or so ago, and realizing that I was slouching and basically just letting the top half of me just ‘sag’ like a sack of potatoes, was that I quite literally hadn’t been ‘supporting’ myself, even in terms of how I was experiencing myself back then, where there were so many mental pressures ‘getting to me’ at that time in my life, when I began to slouch. I didn’t know how or thus have a way to support myself, and I literally ‘buckled’ under all the weight of the inner burdens I was carrying. Burdens that were just getting bigger and heavier over time, since I hadn’t done anything to deal with them, and let go of the excess baggage, and stop continually collecting more, just progressively piling it on.
And therefore, when I went to start correcting my posture, and first faced this point of now actually ‘picking myself up’ and supporting myself, initially I just wanted to ‘give up’ and ‘give in’ and not support myself because it was ‘hard’ and painful. But I didn’t accept that. Because I’ve made the decision to support myself in all ways. So I pushed, and I walked, and I breathed through the resistances, and forgave the thoughts that came up, and now I am really starting to see the cumulative effects, seeing that I have made actual change.
It is so..’liberating’ and wonderful, to be taking on these points of habits and behaviors which I’d thought were just a part of who I was that I couldn’t change, and to see that in fact I can change these points, and can let go of these points which were not supporting me, proving to myself that I can change, which takes consistency and dedication and if you keep walking it eventually it will be just like a part of who you are, just like I thought the previous behaviors were, it’s just that point of accumulation, it’s how it works.