Archive for February, 2011
So there is a dog here where I am staying at the moment. He was making noises and then he started barking and I was watching and listening to him do this and wondering if he was just having fun or if he was distressed about something. He did not seem distressed. Then I remembered a story from one of Sunette’s blogs where one of the dogs on the farm was ‘messing around’ with the humans when he realized he could manipulate them with frequencies through certain sounds he would make, and was having quite fun with this. So I looked in myself to see where I was being manipulated by the frequencies that Rocco (this dog with me here) was making because I could tell that I was, in that I was having conflict in myself as whether the dog required attention or was just trying to manipulate me or what. So I noticed that certain sounds I had some reaction to, like ‘whining’ as being a message that he requires attention or for me to do something.
So I looked as he was whining and saw he is not urgent and does not actually require attention or assistance with anything. As soon as i established that point, he bagan to bark, and at every bark my eyes would twitch and there was like a slight ‘jump’ in me. So I found this quite interesting and it was actually cool for him to do this barking as it assisted me to see this point of reaction.
He barked louder and sharper each time, and I’d breathe and stop reaction in myself. And then I became curious about the soundof barking and how he and all dogs express themself in this way and use their body to make this sound. So I let out a loud forceful bark, and he stopped suddenly and seemed quite surprised, like he was not expecting that at all, lol. After a moment he resumed barking, and then I barked a few times again, and again he stopped, like wtf is this, lol.
Then I was going to go back to doing my homework, but then I remembered how one of the dogs owners had earlier when the dog was doing something, I forget what if he was barking or just running around bumping into things, but they had made the comment that he was loud, and I noticed that he doesn’t seem to make any noise like barking very much when the owners are around. He also gets some kind of training, like hunting dog and obedience training so maybe being quiet is part of that.
Anyway, I went to go talk to him about this, and then I could see he would like to be petted and I’d like to do so as well, but he has a tendency to lick a lot and I was not ‘in the mood’ for that at the moment, so I expressed that to him and he did not lick me while I was petting him. So I spoke to him about the noise point, and told him I don’t care if he makes noise when I’m around, he can be loud, and it will be up to me to stop reactions to that.
Yesterday at work, I noticed an interesting pattern in me, that I found quite funny, to see play out, wherein there was a guy at my work who is near my age, whereas usually it’s just much older males that I am around all day, so what I noticed was upon entering my place of work and becoming aware of the presence of this ‘younger’ male who is more near my age, I stood up much straighter and was much more aware of myself and my body and my posture and how I was holding myself and moving myself, it was quite entertaining to see this ‘instantaneous’ change, in fact I am laughing just remembering it, and also what I noticed is that it ‘felt really good’, but not in terms of an ‘energetic’ feeling, but simply that of the physical wherein, I was holding myself in much better posture and I immediately felt much more comfortable in my body- which made me realize that I’d actually been feeling uncomfortable before this ‘change’.
So this was a really cool point to have come up, and I see how I can actually use this point ‘for a moment’ to ‘jog myself’ into awareness of myself here in and as the physical until the awareness is lived in fact, wherein I can ‘tell myself’ there is a ‘young guy around’ to remind me of this point to consider my posture and how I am holding myself and moving myself, from the perspective of using it as a ‘point of reference’ to support myself to see and get some perspective on what is my participation in and as the physical in that moment.
How funny to have separated myself from this point, to see now how without the presence of the similar age male it’s as if I lack a point of motivation to be aware of and considering myself as the physical. I’m grateful this point came up as I can see now how I can apply what I’ve realized and live as that motivation myself, and really to see what I was doing which I hadn’t even noticed until this moment. It shows me that I have not yet stood stable in every moment as myself here as breath as the physical one and equal with my body and every part of it in awareness of it as myself, fully, present, here.
In that moment where I instantly had gone into this ‘better’ posture and realized the implication of this reaction, I realized ironically it’s like, ‘gee, I just need to have a guy my age around all the time, and I will always have great posture! and feel great!’ hahaha. Even just before I started to write this blog, I applied this realization, wherein I asked myself, how would you be sitting just now, if there was a guy around, and I instantly realized I was slouching, rather uncomfortably! and this point really assisted me to see this so I could then correct it, it’s so cool. So I see I can utilize this point of ‘telling myself’ there’s a young guy around as long as I need to ‘jog this point’, until it becomes no longer relevant and I simply am sitting/standing/moving in awareness and comfortability as a living expression of who I am in each and every moment.
Why do I blog?
One of the reasons why I blog, and not the only reason but a very important one, is to share and make a record, of what I see and understand. Because to keep that in, and not share is what has manifested this world to be full of shit and what’s real is disregarded.
I blog, to show that there is someone here, someone who is not dead inside, who has not given up on this world, by not giving up on myself, to show that there is someone who cares, to show that there is someone who sees what is going on, and is standing up to do something about it.
Because it was seeing someone do that, that caused me to stand up as well. Until I finally saw someone standing up, I had simply been ‘locked’ in a state of perpetual ‘giving up’, wherein I justified not doing anything, not standing up, not trying, because, apparently, no one else was, and so maybe it just wasn’t possible, or wasn’t worth it, jesus, how long would I have just gone on like that- if someone hadn’t finally stood up and stood as that one example I needed to see- to know, to finally realize- it is indeed possible- and in fact, it is the only thing I have been waiting for, the only thing I have ever wanted, the only thing I have ever missed, the only thing I have been searching for which was right here all along, which was myself- myself, myself to stand up, myself to stop giving up, to stop accepting failure which I hadn’t even tested, waiting for myself to stop giving in to limitation, waiting for myself to finally realize that I didn’t have to accept things the way they are! and that I can change, and that heaven on earth is possible, just like I always ‘knew’ but had fallen for the same bullshit as everyone else. It reminds me of that scene in Neverending Story, where Atreyu and his horse Artex (wow funny I remember those names, haha) had to travel through that swamp of despair, or something like that, and it was as if the swamp was making them depressed, and oh yeah, the horse died in the swamp, ‘gave in’ to the sadness, and atreyu had to go on by himself, well now I understand more of why that scene affected me the way it did, wherein I understood exactly that sadness, that despair, and the point of it ‘sucking you down’, and the feeling of ‘just wanting to give up’, because that was the feeling/experience I’d had toward life/in life, wherein life seemed like a big swamp of despair trying to drag you down every step of the way. Just a big desolate empty swamp, nothing there, no support, nothing to grab hold of, no end in sight.
And that is why I blog, and vlog- so that it’s not just an empty desolate swamp- so that there is a point here, which says, which shows, there is life here, and you can stand up, and you don’t have to give in to despair and give up, you are not alone.
By keeping this blog, I am putting something out there, making a record of what i see that those who are here and those yet to come can have some support in this world where so little seems to makes sense. Because it’s a long way to go yet til all our understandings is equalized, and the only way it’s going to happen is by sharing, sharing ourselves, our perspectives, sharing about what we see and sharing what we’ve realized in common sense, the more we do this the faster this process goes, the sooner we ‘get to’ heaven on earth and can finally enjoy ourselves here as what it really means to enjoy.
I suggest you to ‘blog your ass off’, to share yourself, to support the world as you support yourself, one and equal, in this process. It’s a gift you give to yourself, all included.
So a fascinating point has opened up for me which is to start my own business. This is not something I ever thought I’d do, or could do. It seemed like such a far-off thing that was probably too complicated and too difficult a task for me to accomplish. Lol, I mean the self-belief that I was participating in was so limiting, it was actually keeping me from seeing that I in fact could quite easily have a business. I mean if I’d realized, ‘hey wait a minute- how does other people have businesses? and they don’t seem any different or ‘better’ than me, or somehow ‘special’, so what would indicate that it’s something I’m not able to do?’- perhaps I would have done this some time ago.
As it is, I am here now, and walking this path of starting and operating a business. Primarily, I decided to do not only because I see it will work and that I can do it, but also in order to gain some experience in how to run a business and to get familiar with business laws and procedures. This will be valuable experience in terms of learning more about the current system and how it functions, and thus how I’m able to function within and as it.
So, in the next several months I’ll be getting everything in order and ready to launch. Fascinatingly, there has been moments where suddenly a thought ‘pops-up’ like, ‘wait a minute- am I.. am I.. starting a business??’ Lol, as if my mind is finally ‘catching up’ to what is going on and according to how it was programmed, what I am doing now just does not compute. Shows how slow and unintelligent the mind system is, lol. I’ve had thoughts of fears such as ‘what if no one buys anything- then I am just wasting money’- And what I realized is that this is a point that probably most people who’ve decided to start a business have had to face- the uncertainty and the fear that one could lose what they put it. How unfortunate that things exist this way, that we exist this way, wherein for those who’ve stood up to make businesses have had to go through and face such points, considering that I depend on businesses for my very survival. Certainly not all businesses, in fact many many businesses are completely unnecessary and irrelevant to life in every way, yet business such as farms, grocery stores, clothing stores, electric company, etc, are businesses that I rely upon to get that which I need.
Therefore I would want these companies to be supported- not have the responsibility thrust onto some individual to make a company and do whatever it takes to be able to make that company survive- it doesn’t make any sense, in fact it’s outright dangerous to have the very businesses which support me by providing my needs to exist here in the physical to be all trying to stay afloat in a sea of competition with each other. No benefit comes from this system, except the monetary benefit of those in the ‘winning’ companies, who’ve had to sell out humanity in order to ‘win’ and thus everyone else ‘loses’. This is such a Lie, and I no longer care to live this Lie- therefore I fully support an Equal Money System, wherein there will exist no competition- we will not have an Economy which is designed just like a Gladatorial Arena, where we pit companies against each other, where whoever manages to be the most Abusive, gets the ‘prize’ at the expense of the ‘losers’. This is how we end up in a world where Corporations Rule and Life is Disregarded for Profit.
It’s fascinating how our expression has come to be such that it’s always preprogrammed, preplanned, scripted, practiced and repeated over and over again: ‘routines’. It’s not done from a point of developing self’s ability to move from/within/as the moment, but rather self moves self in the moment in a predesigned pattern, over and over until such pattern becomes programmed in into the physical, and one can simply perform this pattern from ‘muscle memory’.
You see this in everything- we live this in everything we do- it is literally how we exist at such a fundamental level- it’s quite fascinating, and yet, it is so limited.
All this effort and time put into learning a routine, and then, you are really effective at doing that routine, that’s it. Rather than developing the ability to move in the moment, one simply develops the ability to repeat predesigned preprogrammed routines, which is what we call: a robot.
We do this out of the belief that if we don’t, we will not be able to get as good results. We do this because we fear if it is not absolutely preprogrammed, there could be ‘mistakes’ and ‘failures’, so we try to plan to ‘avoid’ these things- with the result that we are only able to move in a preprogrammed manner. The result is that we don’t actually solve the apparent ‘problem’ of ‘making a mistake’- we try to ‘avoid’ the problem- and if you have a look- that is obviously not ever the way to solve a problem.
Therefore- the ‘problem’ has remained- despite preplanning, extensive practicing and repetition, there is still ‘mistakes’ and ‘failures’, which are then ‘exaggerated’, due to the suppression of the point, rather than dealing with it and facing it head on. Like, people will react with such ‘surprise’ and ‘shock’ for example, when a ‘performer’ has made a mistake, because ‘that was not supposed to happen’ because that is exactly what all the relentless practicing and practicing, in the form of repetition is intended to prevent!
However, if we face this point, instead of trying to avoid it, which is impossible- if we stop ‘relying’ on preprogrammed predesigned routines, and start building self-trust to act in the moment, here, unplanned- the more one do that you will accumulate the point of being able to move from/within/as the moment here, not needing any preprogrammed routine, rather than accumulating this point of simply being a robot who must have a preprogrammed plan to execute.
You can begin to imagine what could be possible, if we apply this point, if we trust ourselves to let go of this believed need to act only within and as routines, and start developing self trust to be here as life unscripted in the moment- to no longer simply be robots incapable of actually living. Have a look, you can apply this point to literally everything, as who/what/how we currently exist. Quite fascinating.
I suggest get busy developing and accumulating the ability to be here in the moment, as self trust, to be able to express yourself here as who and what you really are, so that you can be here, actually, and be Real, and not just be an ‘act’, a ‘routine’, a predesigned, preprogammed ‘robot’ only repeating itself, like a sad broken record.
The Desteni I Process is a life-couching course, created for this purpose, to assist in the process of de-programming oneself as a robot, and re-creating oneself as life here, to assist self in developing the self trust and accumulating the ability to express oneself freely as who one really is, here, in the moment, free from limitations. Give yourself the most meaningful gift possible and get started with your Desteni I Process today.
I was watching a vlog by Lindsay, where she was discussing a point about being enslaved to books, and how at times in her life she’d amassed substantial collections of books and also how in some movies/shows people will have books in the background, in order to ‘impulse’ that they are ‘knowledgeable’ or ‘trustworthy’. And I have faced similar points in my life as well, wherein I liked to have certain books on my shelf to try to project that I am intelligent, or thoughtful, and other points as well depending on the book, like for example, a book about witchcraft to give an air of mystery or something, lol.
I also realized another point while listening to her vlog, which was that I found a kind of comfort in having a collection of books, it was a comfort in ‘knowing’ that I have access to knowledge. Because in this world, not everyone has that access. We have quite inequal access of information, when you look at the various levels of education around the world, and how some people have quite shitty lives because they lack education which they can apply to make things easier. Not to mention that where there is lack of education there is most likely lack of basic necessities, and thus the people are too busy trying to get their basic needs to simply survive in the physical reality, that they aren’t able to work on the point of education.
It is no secret what a difference an education can make, what a difference having access to relevant knowledge and information can have. For example, I am now 30 years old, the internet did not exist when I came into this world, I remember playing with the internet when I was about hm 12? 13? and it was quite limited. And in the years after that, it was usually a lucky shot if I was to get any search results for what it was I was looking for and I’d give up in frustration, only to then try again a few years later and suddenly there is many results, and it has been growing like that ever since. I am not going to go into just how extensively the internet has changed my life, by having this practically instantaneous access to knowledge and information, but it is tremendous when you consider that anything little thing that I have a question about, I can just put it into google, and likely get something. (Although the internet can be about a billion times better in an Equal Money System, where there is not the influence of profit limiting and distorting what is on the internet and how we’re able to use it.)
So in much the same way that on a large scale, our fear of loss, our fear of ‘scarcity’ leads us to hording, I horded books, from a starting point of trying to protect myself from the fear of scarcity of access to information. Fascinating.
Access to internet has such a profound effect on one’s life, that Everyone should have access to it. And better if we have a system which is not limited by profit so that information can truly be shared and tested to ensure that the information stands as what’s best for all life, and not what’s best for some’s profit, as that leads to a lot of abuse in this world.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to in every moment be aware of every part of my physical human body.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be aware in every moment of my feet as they touch the floor, as I walk and move about, to actually be aware of my feet and the floor that my feet are touching, as a part of myself as my physical reality, here.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be aware in every moment of my legs, as they move when I walk or run or jump, as how they feel, as a part of myself, which I use to move me in this world, in this physical reality, on the surface of this planet.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be aware in every moment of my breath, my breathing, of my body moving as it breathes in the air and exhales out.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become separated from my physical body to the extent that I am not aware in every moment of every aspect, every motion, every point, every cell, everything.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take my physical body for granted, in that it is what allows me to be here and express within and as this physical reality, and it has always done what was necessary to function, without me having to do anything, without me having to ask, and without expecting any reward or favor.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as limited, to think/believe/perceive myself as less than my physical human body, by thinking/believing/perceiving my human physical body to be limited in it’s expression, and thus to think/believe/perceive the human physical body to be the cause/source of my limitation, rather than considering/realizing that, in fact, I was the limiting factor, within believing myself to be limited, thus living that belief into fact, through and as the physical.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take for granted how my human physical body move, how I move as my human physical body, not being aware in every moment of every movement that I make, of everything that I touch, that is a part of my world, and thus a part of myself here.
I forgive msyelf that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take for granted, what and how my human body exist as, as a universe in itself, as a being in itself, full of many beings, and I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider all those beings as equal to and as myself.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider the implications of what this means as who and what I really am, that I have been existing as a ‘consciousness system’ whose definition was formed based on the physical, the experiences in and of the physical, an entity separate from myself as the physical, as substance, existing only as energy and definition that when this body die, that entity die too.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize myself as all life here, equal to and as all life here, as substance, as that which is real, with no separation.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed msyelf to become separated, to believe myself to be separate, to live this belief of separation, to the point of manifesting separation here extensively, to the point where’d I’d forgotten there is no separation and that I am the creator of separation, and thus all separation stops, when I stop.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed msyelf to see and realize myself as equal to all things here, to all and every aspect of what is here, within the realization that all is me, and that ‘less/more’ is a polarity which only exist in the mind and does not exist in reality in fact. Only the mind assigns values and judges and compares what is here, separates what is here.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop myself as the mind as separation, judgment, comparison. I see and realize I am equal to all things here, all that is here is me. I have seen and experienced the outflows of participating in the mind as and of judgment, separation, comparison, and see it is not what is best for all and causes and creates and supports abuse to exist in this world, and that is unacceptable.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider everything that is here equally, and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be aware of all that is here in this existence, as me, one and equal.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what is here as me as the physical, as oceans, rocks, fish, trees, sky, roads, boxes, pens, paperclips, postage stamps, oranges, sand, viruses, sharks, carpet, etc. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for what is here in this existence as me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see anything as separate from myself.